I wonder.
Back when everything seemed to start getting worse - back when I stopped understanding - should I have pushed harder?
Could I have, and would you have let me?
Should I have just given up trying to fix and just listen to something heartbreaking?
Could that have helped?
And when I thought about trying again - should I have tried at all?
Should I have tried differently?
Why didn't I try harder?
Why did I give up again so easily?
Why didn't I believe in you? Why wasn't I the friend you needed?
Why did I let my pride get in the way?
Couldn't I have let that go?
Couldn't I have just listened instead of trying to change?
Why didn't I turn back and offer my hand?
Why did I just sit there, numb and heartbroken, when you asked me to come back?
Why didn't I try more?
Why wasn't I reaching and loving like I could have?
Why wasn't I patient enough?
Shouldn't I feel responsible in some way?
Could I have helped? Or maybe prevented?
The answer is always 'Yes. I should have.'
And for that, I blame myself. For that, I no longer have the right to say 'I'm sorry.'
