For Shame

I am ashamed.

Those who do nothing in the face of evil are nothing less than accomplices to the evildoers - and today, I sadly must count myself among them.

While walking back to my car after a well-deserved treat this weekend, I happened upon a mother and her four young daughters (ranging from 4-ish to 14). While I was still 10 yards away or so, I saw a woman pass them, and ugly look on her face, and as I drew closer I heard the ending of a vitriolic tirade against them all. The woman, to her credit, let it roll off her and didn't respond. The girls looked shocked, and some were near tears.
And while  I felt in my bones that this was wrong and horrible, it took me so long to process what I could possibly say to them, that they'd already moved out of my area.

I wish that I'd run after them, even if just to say that I was sorry for what had happened to them, and to assure them that not everyone wishes horrific things upon them - indeed, I hope for the best for those girls and their family. But I know it's all too common that we hear these things, and do nothing in the face of abject and inexcusable hatred.


Hours later, my heart still writhes within me at my inaction. So many words have crossed my mind, positive and negative, that I can't really know where to begin.

Wishing death upon any person, especially on small children, is abhorrent.

There are few people in this world that deserve those thoughts pointed at them, but if the main reason you wish them gone/dead/erased is because they are different, you should understand that I will never agree with you and will always regard you as lesser.

It takes great courage to face a world full of hatred and be yourself, especially in a season where the particular brand of "You" can be the stimulus that causes the violence of others to fall on you. These girls are being raised by men and women who are teaching them the value of bravery and of faith, and thus creating a generation who are braver than you or I could ever imagine being.

I do not fear those who are different, who believe something other than me, or who see this world differently. I expect there always to be someone who doesn't understand my point of view, as there will always be for each of you. While I fully believe that my point of view is right (based on the little I know right now), there are many out there who disagree - and that's ok.
For those of you who cannot accept that fact in your lives, you will always be scared and angry, and will never know relief. And I pity you.

For those of you who wish death upon innocents and children - may the full burden of shame fall upon you.

If you count yourself a Christian - your hatred is the reason that they may never know the love of Christ.
If you count yourself a person of any other walk of faith - the hatred you pour out is in contradiction to your teachings, almost without exception, and you are as guilty as the worst of the extremists who spout vitriol towards those they don't understand.
If you count yourself a human - the fate of a child is the fate of our future. Wishing horror upon them because you refuse to see that they are also human is a waste of your life.

Unless you know someone personally, you cannot claim to know their inner workings. Just as each of us would claim that we are not what the statistics say of our race/religion/gender/orientation/etc, so would they.
Each human is unique, but in an effort to excuse our apathy towards the suffering of others, we demand to be counted as special, while shoving those we don't have contact with into comfortable categories that justify our selfishness.

Selfishness is easy. Pure selfishness* makes us unworthy.

Kindness begets kindness - the more you pour into the world, the more likely you are to help make it a better place.
Hatred begets hatred - the more you pour into the world, the more likely you are to make it a worse place.


And I, for one, think that there is enough hatred in the world.




*Selfishness can preserve your life, I understand that - I know it is needed to a degree to make your life better. But if it's the driving influence in your life, then you need to revisit your viewpoint. You aren't the center of the universe.

The ((Un)expected) Ending of the PeaceCorps Journey, and a Leap into the Unknown

Well, it's been a while since I've updated, but let's start off with the key point:

I'm not going to be rejoining the PeaceCorps (right now) in Ecuador.

Throughout my long saga of getting sick, being sent home, trying to figure out what was wrong, and doing a three-month shot-in-the-dark treatment, I've been wrestling with the question of whether or not to apply for reinstatement (ie, to get my job back) with PeaceCorps in my previous position.

Because of the illness that I apparently got (Brucellosis - wikipedia will be your friend here), which has taken three months of a cocktail of medications to curb, my doctors have said that it's possible for me to go back, but that they wouldn't recommend it and would state as much in my paperwork. So, I could twist PC's arm, but after so much time away from site, I feel like the timing is bad. My site would benefit from having someone there for the solid two years, and I'd have so much baggage after this whole ordeal that I wouldn't be able to do justice to my magnificent site.



Update about the illness in specifics: Most of my symptoms were definitely caused by whatever bacteria I picked up. It's something similar to Brucella, if not actually that particular bug, as the combo of antibiotics that they tried did the trick. It took over a month for us to see any noticeable results, but GOSHDARNIT I FEEL SO HAPPY TO FEEL NORMAL! Seriously, I feel like a person again, and it's wonderful - even though some things are lingering, I'm so incredibly grateful to be back to the magnificent and wonderful status-quo that I enjoyed without even knowing it before.
My low B12 levels, which has caused a little plaque buildup on my brain, seems to be doing better, but my doctor has said that he wants me to maintain the current regimen permanently - we can try to alter it to a non-injectable, but that'll mean regular MRIs and oodles of bloodwork over the course of a year, so I'm electing to not do that for the moment. But that's definitely one of the chief barriers to PC letting me return without a fight.
The Brucellosis, at this point, seems to have been taken care of. Unfortunately, this is a disease that can recur frequently over the course of a person's lifetime, and often does. Chances are, we've taken care of it, but it could also decide to have some pretty major implications later on that I'll have to monitor. 



It's probably not a huge surprise  that I'm not coming back (as I've been looking for work and have finally moved into an apartment), but this is my formal notice to the world. Everyone has been ridiculously supportive and kind to me while I was freaking out about this throughout the process, and I appreciate each and every one of you and your care.

I'm disappointed that I won't be able to return to Chaguarpamba, as it's one of the most beautiful little towns and provinces in the world - well, of the world that I've had the opportunity to see. The people were kind, the job was just gearing up to be AMAZING, and every breath brought a little sense of the unknown. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to visit someday, but for now, I'll just cherish the month that I had there.


Next steps: Find a full-time job starting around June. I've been contracting with a nonprofit that I used to work with, but that contract will be up in June, so I'm searching high and low for a job - at this point, I'll take anything. I'd really really like something that works with nonprofit development, or in an ideal world, intercultural development and peacebuilding. Location: flexible.
Thank you PeaceCorps for taking away a healthy dose of fear-of-the-unknown. The world is a wider, but less intimidating place for me now. I haven't been able to complete the two-year term for PeaceCorps, but maybe that'll be able happen in the upcoming years.

For now, the future is a complete unknown - it's time to dive into something new.

Mini Emotional Outburst

I am home.

Most of my compatriots celebrated the 6-month marker in Ecuador last week.

I am very grateful to be home and with my family while trying to sort out my health, and to support them while others go through some major health issues.



I am also just so incredibly sad that I am not down there, doing what I set out to do.



That is all for now.

Getting Sick while Volunteering - a Saga solely about Me.

FINAL UPDATE AT BOTTOM OF POST - 10/31/14

A health Saga, starting late August, Explained on 9/5/14

So, I haven't said too much of it to too many people, primarily because I'm not sure what's going to end up happening, but also because the few people I have shared with have been supportive beyond measure. In which case, here's just a public update so that people know why I'm goofing off in Quito and not working in the lovely Chaguarpamba.

The first week into site, I began noticing that when I woke up in the mornings (or even at night), one or both of my arms would be numb. This became a daily occurrence, which I found strange and a little worrying, but didn't really pay attention to - it'd happened on and off during training, but stopped after I ignored it for a while. Once my legs started doing the same numb-after-sleep thing, I mentioned it to a fellow volunteer who is an RN - she (quite rightly) chastised me for not calling it in to our Doctors, so I went ahead and did so.

For a couple of weeks, I lugged myself into Loja to get Xrays done of my neck, and to work on some PT, but nothing really seemed to help the symptoms. The doctors were concerned about nerve damage and a lack of curvature in my spinal column, and eventually agreed that it would be best for me to be sent up to Quito.
Mind you, I wasn't keen on leaving my site at all, but the pain was getting out of control. I've always had a pretty high pain tolerance, but the location of the pain admittedly freaks me out, so we all decided that I should come to Quito for observation and treatment.

Upon arrival, a neurologist saw me and tried PT with muscle relaxers - this made the pain and symptoms much worse, so PT was discarded. Constant muscle cramping, electric-tingling, and occasional burning sensations throughout the body were added to the list of daily symptoms.
A few days after the first appointment in Quito, an MRI came back negative (which is good; that means no surgery), so they shipped me off to an internal medicine doctor. After another thorough exam, they weren't really able to come up with anything beyond the fact that my neck is becoming increasingly (outrageously) painful. All bloodwork appears normal, and my medical history doesn't seem to indicate any congenital conditions or interesting diseases picked up on my recent travels. So basically, after almost 6 weeks, we have a long list of things that are definitely not the problem. While I appreciate the scientific method, I'm grumpy about it using me as an example of negative-hypotheses.

Today, the information was passed back up to Washington D.C., to try and get some recommendations on treatment, tests, or advice on how to proceed. I have no idea what the next week holds in store, apart from more waiting around, reading novels, and drinking herbal tea. I have no real desire to stay in Quito (sorry kids - Loja girl for life!) or go back to the states, but at this point, I just want some resolution - after more than a month of this tomfoolery, I'm exhausted, grumpy, and just want some answers.

Along for the journey, my family and friends back home have been very sweet and supportive, even though I've been having a month-long gripe-fest.
My fellow volunteers (well, those in the know) have been magnificent, a couple of you checking in on me daily and spending your precious saldo - can't say how much I appreciate you.
And also Dr.s Serrano and Troya have been absolutely magnificent - the whole system of working with a governmental agency, and in a country where tests and exams proceed at a much slower pace than the states has been frustrating, but they've been patient with me every step of the way. Incredibly thorough and kind, I'm so very grateful to have the two of them looking out for me, even when their patient starts losing patience with the system.

SO - we'll see what life holds in store for me over the next week or two. Hopefully we'll be able to balance it out, fix it up, and pack me back down to site. Or, worst case scenario allowed, send me back to the states for resolution, and then get me back to site all healthy and ready to save the world.

Anywho, I have admittedly been very wrapped up in myself and the problems that have been accosting my family this past month - for anyone who I've neglected, or who feels that I've been distant lately, I apologize. I try not to let these things take over my life and my attention, but sometimes I don't succeed in that goal.

EDIT: The reason I've explained everything in such detail - when I tell people I'm in Quito for medical issues, everyone asks me about the symptoms, etc. Y'all are curious and very sweet to be so, but I just don't want to explain it a dozen times.

UPDATE as of Wednesday, 9/17/14

Hey Guys,

So, as my status declares, the decision has been made to Medically Evacuate me from Ecuador for the moment to try and figure out what is going on. Basically, this is no reason to panic. Please stop doing so.

This is not what I want to see:http://rack.0.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA2LzE4LzdjL0JlYWtlci4zOWJhOC5naWYKcAl0aHVtYgkxMjAweDk2MDA-/4a93e3c4/4a4/Beaker.gif

What it boils down to is that, after over a month of rigorous testing and coming at this problem from a lot of different angles in Ecuador, myself, our in-country medical team, and the international medical office have decided that it'll be better for me and for them to have me living at home and to have doctors here evaluate me to try and figure out what's going on with my back. I landed in the USA today (Weds 9.17) and am currently at home. My full time job at the moment is to go to doctors, get tested for stuff, and to figure out what's going on. Currently, a lot of the symptoms I've been experiencing are calming down to a manageable level, apart from the consistent and increasing pain in my back, head and neck. Whatever the cause, this is an opportunity to just step back, take a deep breath, and go at this with everything we've got, while having my family around to support me and help me through it. I'm disappointed to not be at my site and working on projects and doing what I set out to do, but this is a good chance for us to get this sorted and to not interfere with my future service.
I have no idea what my timeline is - I could be here for a week, or I could be here for the full 45-day medical leave - it all depends on what sort of alien the doctors determine I have growing on my spine. When I know more, I'll try to update you - for now, we're just assuming that most of my time will be spent at doctors getting poked, prodded, scanned, dissected, tested, and evaluated.

You are all awesome and very kind to keep up with me and to keep asking - if you have questions, I'll do my best to answer them, but a lot of my life right now is in the limbo of 'We don't know' - when I do, I'll certainly update y'all (probably here). This certainly might throw a monkey wrench in my plans for the next two years, but that's not something I know for sure yet. What I do know is that I'm getting really good care, amazing support, and a chance to hug my family. That's what matters 

UPDATE as of Wednesday, 10/8/14

OK, well, it's been a weird couple of weeks.

Two Thursdays ago, I underwent a Lumbar Puncture to rule out MS - every doctor I've talked to over the past two months has bandied that potential diagnosis about, so it's been a wee bit stressful. After having to go back in to patch up after the procedure (look up "blood patch" in association with lumbar puncture - it's not fun), I waited two weeks to find out that the results are NEGATIVE. YES - we have ruled out MS. Thank God. I've had that on my mind for too long, and I'm so relieved to not worry about that one any more.

Of the other tests that are running, a bunch of rule outs are still in process. The first and only thing that's been found to be out of whack on my bloodwork (after 2+L being taken over the past two months) is that I had a virtually non-existent level of B12, which likely is the reason for plaque buildup in my brain. That artifact is what had all of my doctors getting excitable about MS. We don't know *why* my B12 levels are so crappy, but that means that I'm taking injectable B12 on a regular basis, trying to get my levels back to a range that my doctor considers "compatible with life." That process might take a while, but we're just chugging along and pursuing other avenues in the meantime. They don't think that this is the cause for the other symptoms that have been joining in the Melinda-Party, but no one knows.

I'm going to be visiting with a Rheumatologist on Friday 10/10 for more examination, poking, prodding, and probably bloodwork. So, things continue to move VERY slowly, we continue to figure out what ISN'T wrong with me. Baby steps. Today marks the halfway point in my MedEvac period - if we cannot figure out what's going on by Oct 30, I'll be medically separated (which basically means honorably discharged from PC for health issues). At that point, it'd depend on diagnoses, prognoses, and a whole lot of other "oses" before we can determine whether I'll be able to try and reinstate (ie return to my job/site) within a reasonable amount of time, or if my PC journey will be over.

So - that's where we are. I can't tell anyone what my plans are, where I'll be in two weeks, or what I want to happen. All I know is I want to figure this out - beyond that, every other aspect of planning has to be put on hold.

UPDATE as of Friday 10/31/14

Well, here we are. The end of my grace period for MedEvac, and only a few steps closer to finding answers.

Since I last updated, I've been in to see several doctors and specialists, all of whom have come up with a lot of negative diagnoses, but nothing to explain why my B12 has been low or why I am having the other symptoms. We've eliminated pretty much any immune-system disease, a whole host of neurological diseases, and physical abnormalities.

Because no one really has any idea of how to progress now, I'm going to see an Infectious Diseases specialist next week just to eliminate the possibility of any guests that have journeyed home with me.

In the meantime, the gameplan of the powers that be is to have me on a host of oral vitamins and supplements, as well as B12 injections pretty frequently to try and normalize my levels.

For whatever reason, my system isn't absorbing B12, which has led to a decline in my nervous system - basically, if you have low enough B12 for long enough, your nervous system starts shutting down, and leave it long enough, it'll shut down permanently. Apparently, it was starting to paralyze me, which is both cool and horrifying. I was also told that my B12 bottomed out harder and faster than the neurologist usually sees, so we don't know how much damage has been done. Thus far, taking B12 a lot seems to have addressed a lot of the neuropathy that I've been experiencing, but headaches, neckaches, and weakness are still pretty severe. The gameplan is to have me on B12 for 6 months before a full workup (bloodwork, potentially another MRI, etc), and then another exam at the 1-year mark (early September 2015). At that point, if my body seems to be back to normal, they may experiment to see if we can try me on oral B12 tablets, but the neurologist doesn't like the idea, as another bad dip in the B12 could do some gnarly damage to me. B12 for life, kids!

All in all, I was complaining about symptoms, but not willing to actually do anything about it until Shelley made me, so thank you dear - apparently another month and there would have been more serious issues.

So where does that leave my work life?

Upon discussion with the health coordination office in Washington, we all agreed that at this juncture, I'm not able to go back to my site. I'd be remote enough that any complication could spell disaster - that and carrying my bags isn't really in the cards for me at the moment. 

So, I'm being medically separated (ie, honorably discharged) from the PeaceCorps starting today. 

I will have the option to apply for reinstatement over the next year, if I feel that everything is back to normal and the doctors give me the all-clear. Right now, because of rechecks required and medicine administration methods, there's not a great chance that I'll make it back down to Chaguarpamba. It's heartbreaking to see all of the effort on my part and the support your part to get me down there seemingly be wasted - at the same time, I'm choosing to follow the advice of so many wise men and women - I can always reapply to PeaceCorps, but I can't get a new body. So let's try and sort this out while I've got time.

UPDATE as of Wednesday, 12/3/14

So, the saga continues (albeit with less oversight from PC and less excitement on my end). I finally convinced them to let me go and see an infectious diseases doctor. Basically, these folks are the ones who identify bugs picked up during travel, communicable diseases, zoonotic diseases, etc. One would think, given my habits over the past year, that a visit to one of these guys early on would have been warranted - anywho, after months, I finally got my way and went to see someone here.

The doc ran a bunch more tests and cultures, and after a couple of weeks got a partial positive back on Brucellosis.

Now, it's easiest for you to just google this and go with the Wikipedia article. There are all sorts of interesting names associated with it, and some pretty harrowing long-term consequences. The issue with Brucellosis is that it's annoying to diagnose. Super, SUPER  hard to diagnose - they almost never are able to catch it until the host has been infected for a really long time, and basically has irreversible, and often fatal, symptoms. And even at that point, not all of the tests will come back positive - there simply isn't a lot of knowledge about diagnosing the disease. A good and more certain way of running diagnosis is to do a bone marrow culture - I'd love to avoid that, and he doesn't want to do it right now, so it's off the table for the moment.

Anywho, I have several of the markers, and one of the two blood tests that signifies me as having it is positive, so that's the running diagnosis. They've got me on a three month treatment (already started it a couple of weeks ago), and we'll be revisiting for bloodwork once a month until such time as I'm released from taking 10+ pills per day. It's probable that I got it from my exposure to livestock while I was down south - the last time I was treating a canine patient for this was too long ago for it to have been the cause for my illness this go-around.

Once you've been freaked out by the potential consequences of this disease on Wikipedia, our current theory is that it's in early stages, and thus can be terminated with the correct combination of antibiotics. We'll be revisiting that and checking in on it later on during treatment, but for now, this could be good news. DOESN'T explain the B12 deficiency at all (annoying..), but he's not as worried about that at the moment.

For now, after just two weeks I'm feeling more like a person again, with energy and a memory, and all of that amazing stuff. Exciting.

So, we'll see how this goes and where this leads. For now, I'm starting a contracting job (and doing any house/pet sitting jobs that folks would like me to do) and will be hopefully moving into an apartment at the beginning of January. A long and unexpected road this has been, but we'll get to a healthier stage of it eventually. What I can say for sure: It isn't/wasn't all in my head. And the fear that I was just going insane was a very real fear of mine, so that's an amazing relief.

Fun Fact of the Day: Brucellosis is a disease that I studied pretty intensely in my Biological Warfare Course, because it's been developed as a Bioweapon. YEAH.

---

To those of you who fought hard for me to work up the courage to dive into the PeaceCorps - Thank You.

To those of you who showed such incredible support and generosity on my way down, and once I was already there - Thank You.

To those of you who have supported me throughout the process, whether by praying, offering advice, or just listening to me gripe - Thank You.

As someone who's always considered herself pretty much invincible and hardy, it took me giving up my pride to admit that maybe I can't do this yet. It stings pretty fiercely, but life will teach us lessons and give us silver linings in every situation. Luckily, I am blessed more than many with friends and family to help me through this, so I know I'll get back into fighting form before long. The biggest silver lining is that I will be able to be here for my dad's open heart surgery in November, which was a huge concern of mine.

So, while I search for jobs and an apartment to tide me over while I figure out what the future will be looking like here, it's time to spend with people I love and to keep on growing and learning, even if it's not in Ecuador.

Thank you, PCVs, for being an amazing set of people to get me through training and the first little bit of time I had at site. I miss you loads, and am already planning on getting back into fighting form to rejoin you, or at the very least visit you.

A Shift in Expectations

When we first arrived in Ecuador, we were warned that there would be similarities to our own culture, as well as differences so vast that they boggle the mind. Luckily, I was raised by parents who toted my sister and myself along in their vast wanderings across the globe, so to me, parts of this new world almost seem a little farcical. For example:

It's strange to be wandering through a mid-size city in a south American country, and suddenly to hear the music of an ice cream truck break through the bustle and shouts of the every day.

It's even stranger, and endlessly delightful, to discover that there are in fact no ice cream trucks here - no, that music emanates from the trucks with tanks of water or gasoline driving around.

I'm unsure of why this being the norm fascinates me so - it makes complete sense for this to be the natural order of things here. Not many people have their own cars, tap water is generally non-potable, gas is used for cooking and heating, and both types of tanks are incredibly heavy.
It's a genius idea, really - but considering that my subconscious expectation of music flowing from a truck means excessive goodies just shifts this fact into the realm of hopelessly strange.

After learning about this truck and music combination, I've started noticing it everywhere I go. And it continues to make me grin and appreciate those little absurdities in my everyday life.

Jogging at Sunrise with the Critters

So, I need to take pictures of my jogging route at some point.

I run right at sun up (or a little after) along a mountain road that runs from my town, Chaguarpamba, over to the next, Olmedo. This route is very rural and winding, with a house or two strewn every half kilometer or so, and a goodly amount of traffic, so as to make it safe for me to run alone (as I prefer doing).

The mornings here usually consist of several phases - overnight, clouds build up in the valley, and around 5am wind comes through and start shifting them about - the clouds remind me a lot of whipped cream at that hour, and right as dawn is starting to creep over the most distant mountains we can see, the clouds are being pushed up the mountain, covering us in fog, and falling back down in a beautiful "whipping the butter" sort of formation.
Dawn comes about and the clouds in the upper half of the valley dissipate around 6:30am, giving us a beautiful, clear sunrise. This leaves the bottom half of the valley hidden, looking like a bowl of risalamande (Google it, if you don't already know what that is) - that's usually when I'm out on the road. Over the course of the next hour, those lower clouds dissipate, and the whole valley gradually fills up with sunshine.

I've only done it a few times, but it's just so incredibly beautiful to run on that road. From the border of Chaguarpamba, it's approximately 11.5 km to Olmedo, which is the perfect distance for my half marathon training - the goal at the end of these two years is to be able to jog/run a 1/2 marathon sin pausa. We'll see how that goes! Right now, 5 km (2.5 out and 2.5 back) is my starter distance, and I'm enjoying it. Because the road runs along the edge of the valley, for at least the first 3 km you can see how far you've actually gone - once I get as far out as I'm planning each morning, I am both proud and distressed about how far I've got to jog home!

Dodging cow droppings and the occasional angry dog is pretty standard on that route. The confused looks I get from the locals as I gasp and sweat... I mean triumphantly jog past their houses amuse me - hopefully over the next two years, I'll get more smiles and good morning wishes in return for mine.

This morning, for a good 20 yards of my run a flock of bright yellow birds that look a bit like large sparrows were flying just ahead of me - fluffing up, resettling, seeing that I was still running towards them and moving another 5 feet further up the road. They were all watching me curiously, but didn't seem to be afraid at all - it was pretty awesome. Reminds me of the time in Acworth when I was running through the woods and a herd of about 15 deer were running in the woods alongside my path, keeping pace with me - it felt very Pocahontas. [insert obligatory 'Colors of the Wind' break]

Another little bird, a fat, brown, sparrow-ish creature also made an appearance along the road - he flew out of some bushes and decided to land on a very long stalk of grass - sadly, it wouldn't bear his weight and cartoonishly bowed down to the ground almost immediately. Realizing that he was too fat for the grass, the bird decided to try... another long blade of grass... and then another. After a few rounds, he settled back onto the fence and watched me run past. That was one of the single most precious things I've seen while I've been here. Watch out, Aurora - my love for naps and list of cute-critter stories may overtake your title in the next two years!

A day in the early life of a PeaceCorps Volunteer

It's not every day that you can see a nun in full habit, wearing a baseball cap, driving a beat-up old truck and getting it stuck sideways in the street while failing to execute a 3-point turn... well actually, it's every day for me.

Chaguarpamba has many quirks and intersecting lives that I'm only barely beginning to scratch the surface of. I'm still in the process of trying to meet people, get to know the area and culture, figure out how I can fit in (Read: stand out) here. I've bumped into dozens of youth, and kind of know the family of my counterpart and host family, but networking is going incredibly slowly apart from that. Some of the shopkeepers know me now, and a couple of random people, but introductions by my organization members isn't something they really do. In the next few weeks, I'll be going to visit all of the families of my youth group, so that'll skyrocket the number of people I know - until then, daily walks and brief "How ya doin'" conversations will have to do.

I went to my first Red Cross events the other day, which ended up being two long First Aid courses for local teachers. It was fascinating to have all of this information repeated in Spanish (I probably could have given a good 75% of the presentation without notes, but only in English...). The side-tracking conversation-starting was starting to drive me nuts, but I hear that's pretty common here. Something to get used to, I guess. I've gotten on the schedule to do charlas with one of the regional high schools in the next couple of weeks, in collaboration with the Catamayo police. They'll be addressing drug and alcohol abuse issues, while I'll be working with the consequences of sex (it's a catholic school, so contraception isn't really an option). From what projected plans look like, I'll be doing the same and/or more for two more high schools over September and October, and then coordinating a full school-year worth of efforts with the Catamayo police for 2015, depending on the results of the surveys at each of the schools. BOOM - some sort of project set up! It's going to be tough to figure out how to mobilize the women and girls in the community, as they tend to be pretty housebound in the local culture, but I'll do what I can! I have two years to figure it out. I've got two years, so no worries.

Need a schoolbus in rural Ecuador? Grab a chiva! Picture found online.

On my way back to town from one of the Red Cross charlas the other day, I had a great moment of realization. We were all hot and sweaty, gross, tired, and pretty hungry. We jumped into a chiva full of school kids, and rode through the Ecuadorian mountains for about 25 minutes. It's amazing what having a vehicle full of arguing and giggling kids can do for your mood, while having the wind comb your hair and dry your sweat. Once the majority of them were off and we were just sitting quietly and enjoying a bit of a rest, it struck me that I'm actually here!
I'm a PeaceCorps volunteer!
I'm living in Ecuador!
I'm tired, I'm scared stiff, overwhelmed by language and culture differences, and so very excited about it. If nothing else, this is showing me some of the limits I didn't know I possessed, and presenting me with a lot of very real and very important growth opportunities that I wouldn't be able to find anywhere else.

There have been so many instances in which I've wanted to thrown in the towel and just not deal with all of this hard work - find something comfortable, something easy, something I know I can do. But then I think, why? Completely apart from really having drunk the KoolAid on the PeaceCorps mission, I want to grow. Whatever I was missing in the states, whatever I wasn't finding in my life there, I'm being pushed towards it here. Complacency and boredom in worklife aren't for me - and I'm pretty positive that I won't have the option of that here.