How could I miss the obvious? Naturally, it's all about ME - that's really what I've been saying the past few months. Jheez.
Augh.
Sorry, I've got a complain-y, need to vent post. I'm sorry about it.
For quite literally the past several years (basically, since I've moved back home with my parents during college), I've been trying to find a way to support myself and move out. I have, however, on multiple occasions, elected to work on professional development and saving up, so that I can afford to sustain living out of the home when I finally get a long-term job.
Fine, whatever.
I also realize that during those years, I've been going through various depressive spells, I've had mood-swings, and I've been really really annoying. Most people are, if you live with them long enough.
But my father, wonderful man that he is, has a favourite thing to say - 'Melinda, you are so self-centered.'
While this was only a monthly thing, whenever he decided to PMS (yes, my father is stressed, and mood-swings more than my mother) - recently, it's pretty much been brought up anytime that I contradict him or whenever he's in a bad mood.
While I understand that there are situations in which I fulfill the self-centered scenario (especially when my aging parents have to be reminded of a specific thing 5 or 6 times a day - they're stressed and busy - I get it... but I do get frustrated). I really do.
But that my whole life is centered around me? Hell, half of the time that I'm on my phone, I'm trying to make sure that my friends are doing ok. I'm trying to do work on the weekends. I'm trying to organize volunteers. Etc. Not to sound self-righteous, but that's really most of the phone useage I have. I have a lot of friends going through suck-tastic times right now, and I'd like to help. I really would - but sometimes I don't have any more time in the day than sending a silly text or posting something to make them laugh online. 7 day work-weeks do that to a person.
While being a VISTA gives me a little less stress in adjusting to being full-adult, it completely takes away my freedom as an independent adult. I *hate* that. I don't have the finances to move out, even though I desperately want to half of the time.
When folks who aren't in the program hear that I'm living at home, 90% of the time I get the pitying 'Oh, that sucks' response. For folks that are in the program, I get the 'Wow, try to grow up instead of living at home' response. And it's a blend of 50/50 in my family and with my parents. I generally don't let it bother me, but the past few months have been ... stressful. Being greeted either with pity or resentment every time my living situation is brought up just starts to wear on a person after a while.
And today, I get home and say that I'm cooking dinner for the family, and my father decides to remind me that I'm being incredibly 'Self-centered and completely self-absorbed' when I remind him that it's the night that I am slated to cook every week (the one that he chose for me, mind you). How could I expect anyone to keep track of when I'm doing things? They've got this this that and the other thing going on, and I just need to man up and get over myself.
Whoops. Whoops. I'm sorry - how could I. I am just such a bitch.
I just need to grow up and move on and quit being so damn self-centered. Of course.
