I have, of late, discovered that Joy is not an automatic response of mine to the world. Though there are days when the chemicals are balanced just right, and I can exude more Cheer than there is light found in the sun, for me Joy is more of a labour than my nature.
As I have spent the past months wrestling with Change and Fear, I've realized that I so often pick up the worst habits of those around me.
The Pessimism and unhappy Withdrawal that comes with not wanting to deal with the world.
The self-centered Arrogance of believing that my Happiness can only be maintained by ignoring the troubles of others.
The easy avenue of Negativity, instead of the constant struggle to maintain a state of Optimism.
Someone told me the other day that they were happy to have me back at work, as I make the whole place more positive. My response was that that couldn't be the case, as I never come to work feeling cheerful - they immediately countered that I was wrong, as every group of friends they'd met of mine has said the same thing.
I was intrigued by this 20 second exchange, which the other person has probably forgotten about at this point.
How is it that anyone can perceive me as a constantly cheerful person? I'm pretty grumpy - a self-declared Troll with occasional bouts of externalized Happiness. I'm much more content when left to my own devices, than when in a group.
Everyone must be able to see the constant struggle for Cheer and Hope - the battle for that elusive Silver Lining.
You'd be surprised the amount of time you can come up with to ponder this question, while cleaning cages and attending to the animals staying at the vet clinic. Even more surprising are the epiphanies that happen while carrying bags of trash or mopping the floor, which can lead to a greater understanding of how you operate as a person.
It is only because of the conscious Choice to find Joy that I succeed.
My own Fear and Discouragement could easily prevail, but it is through my decision to engage in the pursuit of Cheer that I succeed. The world is so full of easy Negativity, but I chase Joy in spite of it.
Much like Doubt is the constant companion and reenforcing foundation of my Faith, Negativity gives me reason to pursue Joy. I see what Negativity has to offer, and would rather struggle each day for a Happy Thought than give in meekly to the darkness.
Joy is a choice, and it's time that I made it permanent.
