The last few days have been interesting - there has been a lot more debate and focus on womens' negative self image recently - both in general and among my friends. One young friend in particular was telling me to quit allowing a negative self image to creep into my own life, while being one of the worst perpetrators herself. A stunningly pretty girl who has little to no appreciation for herself - which, sadly, is the norm in today's world.
Yesterday, I had the opportunity once again to dress up and be a happy-go-lucky Melinda Pirate, followed by a fancy dress for the DramaTech Banquet. While I was floored and blessed by the compliments sent my way (I'd like everyone to appreciate that I just say 'Thank you' now, instead of protesting, as was my norm - working on that!), I just need everyone to be aware of the fact that I still felt gross, bloated, and generally unattractive, most of the day. And by most, I mean there were 10 or 15 minutes that I didn't feel overwhelmed by the feelings of 'OHHELLMELINDAYOUAREGROSS'.
The problem with a negative self image is definitely attitude, but there is an underappreciation of the fact that negative self-image and self-hate can be an addiciton. Whenever we reach a point that we can appreciate ourselves a little more, we're injected with another round of epistles, reminding us that we're not quite good enough. And so our obsessive cycle repeats.
Men and women are constantly hit with messages throughout their lives letting them know that their own unique, irreplaceable and incomparable beauty is just not good enough - because it isn't someone else's. We're all taught by society that being ourselves is inadequate - we must strive to be The Other. American society idolizes individuality and independence, while still being one of the biggest marketers and 'pushers' of blending in and conforming.
"Every woman is beautiful" [Subtext: but the women we're showing you? That's our minimum standard for allowing into our commercials. We auditioned and culled the hell out of the 'real' women, ie all models, who came by.] - Dove Real Beauty Campaign
We need to realize that these attitudes and feelings are piped into us throughout our entire lives. We are constantly reminded that we aren't what society deems perfect, so naturally, we begin to believe it.
I believe that it is important to remind our friends that we find them beautiful, but a single conversation cannot change the way we see ourselves. You have to realize that the gorgeous person that you see standing before you, who cannot see it themselves, has a labyrinth throughout their mind that have repeatedly been manipulated throughout their entire life to shape the thoughts that seem so illogical to the outside observer.
In order for us to find our way out of self-doubt and self-loathing, we have to constantly run down hallways, following the voices of our friends that laud our self-worth and beauty. We have to be brave enough to keep going, even when we hit dead-ends.
It's an unending battle that needs to be fought by the members of my generation, as well as many in those following and preceding.
In my own life, it's a constant fight. While I've seen tremendous improvement in my attitude about myself this year, both in personality and looks, it's still a niggling feeling in the back of my head that the world would be better off if I went and found a hijab.
I can just hear you saying to a computer screen - "Melinda - just *look* at yourself."
And my only response would be to say - "I am."
