As I've said many times, with work and weddings and other events, it's just impossible for me to really comprehend how incredibly different my life is going to be in a few months - FINALLY, I shall be in the southern hemisphere. I'll make sure to write it on a list somewhere, so that I can tick it off.
Among my various preparations have been health clearances (more needles than I should have rightly been comfortable with), paperwork, exercise, and spiritual preparation. The latter was only a strong suggestion lent me by the PeaceCorps, but given my past experience of living alone overseas, I thought it a prudent one to pursue. Both my Senior Pastor and former Youth Pastor (who has a much longer title now that I cannot for the life of me remember) were incredibly kind to take the time to meet with me, just chat about the upcoming move, and to counsel me on how to prepare myself for such a departure from the current norm.
Both gave me incredible advice, much of which I wasn't really expecting, and am very grateful to have received. I may go over it all on here later, but the one that I've been working on the most and having the hardest time with came from an aside that Pastor Michael had while we were chatting.
"When you're overseas, it'll be a good chance for you to really step back and find out what your faith means to you - being alone, you will have to determine for yourself what you value and how you view your relationship with God. Take the opportunity to speak with him, and pray often. But take care to make it a two-way conversation - not just a monologue."
Well, it's paraphrased, but that's the gist.
For myself, the part that was really eye-opening was the last sentence - make it a two-person relationship. Don't just talk to God when you've had a crappy day or need something - don't be the friend who only comes around when they need help or a shoulder to cry on.
Given that I'd been the soggy-shouldered friend for someone just that week who I hadn't seen in months, it really hit home. I am blessed to have people trust me, and to ask me for comfort and counsel, or for help. I know my role, and enjoy being able to help people when they need a friend to fall back on - but sometimes, it's wearying when some people only see me when they're having a crappy time. And I don't want my relationship with God to be that way.
Long story short (too late), I've been doing my best to converse more, just to tune in, chat as best I can throughout the day and not be the kid asking for help but never really engaging in a relationship. Pretty difficult, as I'm not must of a chit-chat person, and my mind wanders like a kitten in a feather factory.
It's been a little easier for me to have alone time when I can just let my mind go and still have time to chat, in my head or aloud, as I've been doing my best to exercise more over the past few months. I have some mountains I'd really like to climb in South America, and let's face it - I feel better about myself when I'm in shape. So alone time with my backpack or running shoes has provided an avenue to practice engaging in dialogue.
This morning, while jogging at sunrise, I had finished most of my loop and was heading back East. There's a particularly
"OK - I need to jog - need to run - must not walk... but I cannot see a friggen thing in front of me."
"The path is in front of your feet - just run - you can't see very far, but just run on the path laid before you, and you'll find your way."
"...."
Well thank you, Dialogue, for presenting one heck of a gut-wrenching metaphor for me, as I prepare to launch into the unknown and change my life.
I may still be terrible at having dialogue with God (and let's face it - I'm so bad at jogging), but I just heard what I need to get through the next few months.
Let's do this.
